What I do to make me love painting

I like painting
but sometimes it feels like a burden and I feel like I'm walking alone in the dark.
Yea yea... complaints aside....
I want to love painting, make it relaxing, perhaps like a therapy too
It's not going to be work..... It's gonna be something I've been wanting to do & can't wait to do it, again and again.
Like escaping daily routine, having time for myself,
I want the thought of "painting" makes me feel that excitement like I'm going abroad to travel or like eating desserts
Since this is becoming something that I can't wait to do.
I won't feel lonely while painting, I won't feel like I'm missing out on that few family-friends time, I won't care what others think of my art
well... I do have to care, because sometimes their critics push you to learn more and be better :)
but I won't let it make me feel like I can't paint at all.

I have to be brave in making mistakes
It's okay to make mistakes
It's okay to wreck a halfdone painting
Have confidence in what I do.
Always learning
Always having Fun
I want to like like like painting, loveeeeeee painting.

Leave the guilt part behind
Learning process always involves spending money
So If I want to experiment or paint whatever
I'm not going to feel guilty that I may be wasting canvases / paints.
I'm learning. It's a process.
and having said that, Right now, I'm going back to smaller canvas so I can explore different techniques and not waste as much paints.
Maybe use cheaper paints, we'll see.
(I'm still using professional-artist grade paints now - I know - it's my ego)
I'm going to learn guilt-less
I'm starting small, learn, have fun, be explosive impulsive if I feel it
or maybe therapeutic like
whatever.....
then when the time is right, I'll move back to bigger canvases.

If you're wondering about the guilt part
I'm the kind of girl who buys high quality sketch book and since I care for it so much I ended up not using it.
I can't work freely on it because I'm afraid I'll fill it with ugly drawings.
So I use scrap books instead, plain papers, and I work better there, no guilt.
Psychotic I know ;p ahahha but I know I'm not the only one.

So..... imma start painting again for me :)